The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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