he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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