Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
