I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
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