You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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