Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize