I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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