I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
