worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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