I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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