I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
