i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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