And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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