the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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