its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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