In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Randomize
