dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
