I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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