how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
