just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
