So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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