Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize