are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
