screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
