Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
