Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
