Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
