accomplished twins. life is a go
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
