Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
