apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
