I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
