I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
