Where is the hickey?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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