i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
