It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
