I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
