I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
