you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
