And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
