we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
50% drunk capacity currently
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
