Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
