bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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