That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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