me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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