Got a toothbrush?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
