my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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