Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
i've created a new STD.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
