I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
