And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Congratulations! We have a period
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
