I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
