I showed him my bush... on skype.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
