The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
