Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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