I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
