We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
