It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
where does the pee come out of this thing
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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