If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
