am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
