Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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