Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
